Relationships can be a real rollercoaster of high highs and, sadly, lows. If you are sitting there, thinking about your ex and wondering if there might be any chance of reconciliation, you are definitely not alone. Many people yearn to reignite old flames, and while there’s no guaranteed path to that, there are certainly steps you can take to increase your chances. Here are ten engaging and captivating commandments for getting your ex back.
1. Thou Shalt ( You Shall ) Reflect on the Past
Reflection on the past is not a relapse into good times; rather, more of an understanding of what has gone wrong. You perhaps contributed to the misunderstanding or conflict. Maybe there were patterns in your behavior that resulted in hurt feelings on both sides. Analysis of the past allows for self-awareness, quintessential in constructive changes. You could write down your thoughts or discuss them with a close friend. This may well help to clarify what actually went wrong, and how you can deal with the situation differently this time.
Clearly, such an initiative toward self-awareness is going to be very instrumental in your growth as well as in any conversation you have with him. You are much better at communicating when you understand your shortcomings and how they affected the relationship. This is where you consider his side of the story, another big part of moving forward. In effect, it means you don’t just want to win them back but have a much healthier relationship.
2. Thou Shalt Respect Their Space
When the breakup finally happens, respecting your ex’s space becomes very important. There is a tendency for continuous communication to occur or contacting them in pursuit of getting back together that can become overwhelming and may drive them further off the way. There will come a time when giving your ex some time with their feelings, away from the pressure of your presence, will be highly vital. It doesn’t mean that you lose all hope; it simply means being mature and sensitive to their emotional needs.
If you can’t stop thinking about the ex, then do something that is going to preclude you from doing so. Take up some hobby, connect with friends, or just write down your thoughts and feelings. In giving them space, you’re also giving yourself time to grow and become a person. Then, when it feels like the right time, you may find that both of you are in a more settled place to engage in meaningful conversation.
3. Thou Shalt Communicate Honestly
When you feel it’s the right time, attempt to break open a line of real communication. It is your opportunity to express what you want to say without blaming anyone but must sound a little vulnerable while you voice your hopes for your future. Direct communication can work on dissipating some of those misunderstandings that seem to have hung over your relationship from times gone by. Instead of talking about what happened, talk about how you’ve changed and what you can do differently together now.
Keep in mind that the tone of the conversation is paramount. Avoid accusing or finger-pointing at past mistakes. It’s about the solutions, and then what you hope for if you both do decide to give things another shot. Authenticity really can create a bridge where there may have been mistrust before.
4. Thou Shalt Improve Thyself
Self-improvement is not just about being more attractive but a better person altogether. Take this time to work on parts of your life that you know need some attention. It could be physical, getting fit, or mental—like unresolved personal issues. You can even take up some new hobby or skill that will both satisfy you and enhance your confidence.
Self-improvement not only makes you feel better about yourself, but it can also light a fire under your ex. When they see you thriving, perhaps they’ll remember some of the things that drew them to you initially. After all, self-improvement should be done for you primarily. Nevertheless, when you work on making your life amazing, you become more attractive to others.
5. Thou Shalt Not Play Games
Games only typically end up frustrating both parties in the relationship. Steer clear of manipulation strategies or trying to make him envious. Try being real and direct as to what you want and mean. Games may tempt one, for it can cause a rush or even the feeling of control, but most of the time, they all backfire into further misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Genuineness lays a good foundation for any rekindling process. Being the real you will prompt your ex to be themselves too, and this will have both of you conducting more real, deeper interactions. Transparency breeds trust, and a good number of the ingredients in this healthy relationship recipe include this particular element.
6. Thou Shalt Rebuild the Trust
Rebuilding what was lost in trust takes time and comes with daily effort if it was broken. Ensure that from your deeds, he feels committed to meaningful change. This might mean being responsible, coming when you promise to, or even bringing out open and honest discussions regarding problems.
Start small, making promises you can fulfill, no matter how inconsequential it may appear. Any minor commitment that you keep can help rebuild the lost trust bit by bit. The more time passes and your ex continues to see your consistency and truthfulness, the more they might feel the need to re-establish that emotional connection.
7. Thou Shalt Show Understanding
What matters the most here is to understand the feelings, the experiences your ex lived through in the relationship. That will help to bridge this gap by recognizing what hurt him and, therefore, validate one’s own emotions. Such empathy is a proof of one’s maturity and gives room for better communication that explores what has gone wrong.
While talking with your ex, demonstrate understanding of his or her feelings. Statements like “I understand how you would have felt when that happened” can carry a lot of weight in showing empathy. This kind of acknowledgement will ease the atmosphere enough for both of you to open up your thoughts and feelings to one another and bring you closer to reconciling.
8. Thou Shalt Be Patient
Patience in and of itself is another virtue, more so when trying to reignite an old relationship. Relationships don’t heal within a night; thus, hurrying the process adds stress to you and your ex. Give yourself and your ex some time to process the emotions and rebuild a connection.
Ultimately, it means you are serious about the relationship and respectful of their and your own timeline. Every step must be taken slowly, with an open heart to how things develop. They say that sometimes all good things come to those who wait. Indeed, such patience rids one of much anxiety regarding the outcome and helps in being grounded in that moment.
9. Thou Shalt Focus on Positive Memories
Try to remember those times when everything was going fine between you and your ex. At times, the positive memories can trigger your ex to recall the good times you have shared and your bonding. Share these memories casually during conversation, perhaps referencing an inside joke or a really memorable trip that you have taken together.
But don’t get too carried away living in the past. You can use those fond memories as icebreakers to lighten the atmosphere; more importantly, be sure to project an attitude about how you can create new positive shared experiences this time around.
10. Thou Shalt Prepare for Any Outcome
While the process gets underway, putting you on the probable path of earning back your ex’s love, you really need to be prepared for anything. You may do everything right, but at the end of the day, he/she just doesn’t feel the same or isn’t ready for you again. You’ve got to realize this. Preparing yourself against any outcome gives you a better way to cope with the result of the situation, whether it is resuming a relationship or finding closure.
That is what creates peace within—the openness of your mind towards the possibility. Whatever happens, you know that you did your best to reconnect with them. Grace will not only make it easy on you but also set a positive note on your ex, reflecting your maturity throughout the process.
