How to approach women wasn’t the problem I used to have. It was having the ‘guts’ to do it! Getting over the fear. That was my block. But what did I learn, that you can use to break your fear of approaching women?
The market is flooded with how to approach women books. The 5 signs she’s ready to talk to you. The 33 ways to get her out on a date. The 1.5 billion ways to seduce women.
I don’t know about you, but I used to read this stuff and feel intimidated to even think about using it to approach women. Sure, I wanted to know HOW to approach women. But it in reality it wasn’t the HOW that was a problem. It was having the ‘guts’ to do it! Getting over the fear. That was my block.
I remember back when I was 16. I was out with 4 mates in a bar, up in York. Sorry, did I say 16? I meant 18!
There was loud music pumping out – conversation was nigh on impossible (I was old before my time really!). A few of my friends were out dancing on the floor, while I just skulked around the edges. To be honest, pubs and clubs weren’t my scene, but I felt like I had to go regularly just to have any chance of finding a girlfriend.
Like I said, I was mooching around on the side of the dance floor, trying to look cool and casual, sipping my drink just a bit too often.
Then my Eye was caught.
A really stunning women, up on the balcony was staring straight at me. You know how it is; instinctively you know when someone is looking at you. I looked, our eyes met… and we lived happily ever after J Er, no! Not a chance.
In fact our eyes met, and faster than forked lightening my eyes darted off, my cheeks redened and I got all exicited. Wow – she was hot though. And she was looking at me!
To cut a long story short – she spent the next 5 minutes looking over at me. I’d pluck up the courage to look back, but our eyes were like opposing magnets, every time she looked at me, I just couldn’t hold my gaze back at her. Finally, she got fed up and moved on. I couldn’t blame her really. I spent the rest of the night, scanning round trying to catch a glimpse of her – simultaneously kicking myself because I was such a putz.
This wasn’t an isolated event either. In fact it could describe almost any evening I went out. It played out virtually every weekend, often once or twice a night. Sometimes more!
Finally, I’d had it. I was beginning to hate myself for it. I just had to change, because I was never going to find a beautiful girlfriend, let alone a partner if I couldn’t even introduce myself to the women I wanted to approach.
So what did I do?
I bought and read virtually every book I could to do with dating and talking to women. And you know what? It still didn’t help.
The bottom line was – it wasn’t that I didn’t know HOW to talk to women. I just didn’t have the guts to. I was too afraid of being rejected. I was too afraid of what it meant if they got bored and left me after 5 minutes. I didn’t feel like I could get with anyone as beautiful as some of the women that were flirting with me.
I didn’t need 101 ‘techniques’ to seduce women. I just needed to get over my fears of approaching women. I needed to stop making a big deal out of this very first part of dating, but I didn’t know how.
Happily, it all ended well. Partly because of my frustration with my shyness/fear, call it what you will, I forged my career becoming an expert on dating and relationships.
What I learnt allowed me to break through my fears and learn how to approach women and actually enjoy it! Yes, ENJOY IT! Unbelievable!
But what did I learn, that you can use to break your fear of approaching women?
3 Actions To Eliminate Your Fears
Here’s 3 actions to take to help you start to eliminate your fears of approaching women.
1. Answer this question
What does it mean if a women rejects you? What does it mean to you? Your answer to this question is likely to be something significant. Maybe it’s saying you’re not a fun /nice person, or you’re boring. What does it mean for you? Note that for those who don’t have a problem with rejection, it probably means nothing. Literally, ask them the same question and they say, it doesn’t mean anything. Spot the difference there?
2. Fear is a signal
A signal that you’re not fully prepared. If you don’t know at least a few decent opening lines for a conversation that you can say easily, then you’re not prepared enough – and you have every right to feel fear. Or if you know that your conversational skills aren’t up to holding an exciting and engaging conversation, then maybe your fears are appropriate and are preventing you from getting hurt. What are you not fully prepared for in this situation? What’s your plan to do something about it?
3. Get a basic knowledge of flirting
You can learn 100 flirting signals – if you want to do a doctorate in flirting. In the real world though, you only need to know nine. The most important nine. Master them and you will be able to tell with 90% certainty whether your approach will be successful or not. If you could know with 90% certainty your approach would be successful each time, and you’d proved it to yourself for a few months, would you have the same fear approaching women any more? No. So learn the top flirting signs, practice recognising them and use them to your advantage
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