In general, there are more men dating online than there are women. So if you are a man trying to find love online, you will want to make sure you’re going about things the right way. Although there are no failsafe written rules for online dating, there are certain unwritten etiquette rules that are advisable to follow if you want to get the best result out of your online dating experience. Below is a list of ten things that are likely to put women off dating you online.
1. No Picture
Women (and men, for that matter) like to know who they are talking to. Having no picture makes women think you have something to hide. This could be anything from bad looks to already being married. Don’t worry about your looks—different people have different tastes. However, having no picture up would make women imagine the worst, even if, in reality, they would actually find you attractive. A clear headshot of you smiling says you are genuine, friendly, and serious about finding someone. This is your first chance to make a good impression, so use it wisely.
2. Naked Pictures
It’s hard to believe that this needs saying at all, but some men choose to upload nude pictures of themselves to websites rather than headshots. This is acceptable behavior on adult-themed dating sites where people are generally only after sex, but on all other sites, this causes annoyance, if not distress. Even people who specify they are interested in casual relationships are not likely to respond favorably to naked pictures. Unless you are certain this kind of behavior is acceptable on the site, don’t do it.
3. Accusing Tone
People who have had bad dating experiences occasionally try and protect themselves from being hurt by writing a profile warning off “undesirables.” Obviously, no one likes having their time wasted by the wrong kind of people, but filling large parts of your profile with references to the sort of people you don’t want to meet can make you sound unapproachable, unfriendly, or even paranoid. Saying things like “no time wasters” are unnecessary—no sane woman would sit in front of the computer and think “I feel like wasting someone’s time today.” The only thing a statement like that would do is make you sound impatient and demanding. Phrases like “no fat chicks,” “no old hags,” etc., would make you sound rude and offensive and make most women stay away, regardless of their age and shape. Instead, concentrate on positive aspects of who you would like to meet.
4. List of Demands
Be careful of turning your profile into a long list of demands. While it’s good to include information about your ideal woman, don’t let it turn into a ransom note. Always include information about yourself in your profile, and if you have high expectations from your potential mate, complement them with details about your own qualities so that you don’t come across as arrogant and fussy. For example, a phrase like “I go to the gym 4-5 times a week and take care of my body, so I want to meet women who take care of theirs” sounds much better than “I want to meet fit women.”
5. Going on About Your Ex
Your online dating profile is not the place to go on about your past dating failures. It’s a place to show your optimistic, hopeful side that is ready to move on. Don’t fill it up with details about how bad your break-up was, how nasty your ex was, and how you think all women are out to get you. You won’t be doing yourself any favors.
6. Boasting
There is a fine line between describing your finer details and showing off. Going over the top with describing how great you are will only make women think you are arrogant and full of yourself. Be particularly careful of anything sexual, including describing body parts or how good you are in bed. Most women wouldn’t believe it anyway and would be immediately put off.
7. Asking for Sex
Unless you are on an adult-themed site, you are unlikely to get anywhere by messaging women and asking for sex straight away. Obviously, there are some exceptions, such as when a woman has specified on her profile that she is looking for sex as well. Otherwise, it’s best to be more polite. Depending on the site you are using, it may be acceptable to say in your profile that you are looking for sex, though different sites will have different levels of tolerance for such requests. On mainstream sites, it’s best to keep such information to a minimum, without going into any graphic descriptions.
8. Empty Profiles
Women will probably not bother contacting you if your profile contains no information about yourself. Put the effort in and make sure you say enough to make them interested. It’s worth spending the time to do this properly as the amount of responses you will get will significantly rise. Share your interests, hobbies, and what you are looking for in a partner. A well-rounded profile is much more appealing.
9. Jealousy and Possessiveness
When starting to communicate with women online, don’t act like you’re married straight away. Demanding to know where your new friend is every time she is not speaking to you is not likely to make her want to stick around. Let things develop at their natural pace without being too pushy. Building trust takes time. Show respect for her personal space and autonomy.
10. Acting Desperate
It’s somehow hard to gauge the difference between acting cool and acting distant, and the difference between being affectionate and being overly-eager. Still, sometimes it’s best to err on the side of caution and not flood your new match with over-the-top romantic behavior. Turning up to a casual first date with a giant bouquet of flowers is an example of over-eagerness. If you like someone, do let her know, but again, don’t expect her to commit to marrying you after a single phone call or date. Patience and gradual progression are key.
More Tips for Online Dating Success
Craft a Genuine Profile
In addition to avoiding the pitfalls listed above, it’s crucial to craft a genuine and engaging profile. Be honest about who you are and what you’re looking for. Authenticity is attractive, and it will help you connect with someone who appreciates you for you.
Be Respectful and Polite
Respect is fundamental in any interaction, and online dating is no exception. Always be polite and considerate in your messages. Avoid using slang or overly familiar language until you’ve established a rapport.
Take Your Time
Don’t rush the process. Online dating is a journey, not a race. Allow yourself time to get to know someone before making any big commitments or decisions. This approach not only shows maturity but also helps in building a solid foundation for a potential relationship.
Keep Conversations Balanced
When chatting with someone, ensure that the conversation is balanced. Share information about yourself, but also show genuine interest in learning about your match. Ask open-ended questions and engage in discussions about topics you both enjoy.
Manage Your Expectations
Finally, manage your expectations. Not every interaction will lead to a meaningful connection, and that’s okay. Approach online dating with an open mind and a positive attitude. Remember that every experience is a learning opportunity.
By following these guidelines and avoiding common pitfalls, you’ll enhance your online dating experience and increase your chances of finding a meaningful connection. Happy dating!