Sometimes a date doesn’t go well. But just because there’s a problem of some kind doesn’t mean you can’t get a ‘result’ from the date. You know what I mean by ‘result’, don’t you?
I had a date a couple of months ago that went unbelievably wrong, but turned out right in the end.
I met my date for the first time in the car park of a country pub. I followed my usual strategy for greeting a woman to set the right ‘tone’ for the date.
As you can see from page 158 of my e-book ‘Online Dating Tips For Men,’ if you can get things onto a flirty/sexy tone from the start, then your chances of success are very much magnified.
The pub was nice, but very busy. There was only one table free where we could sit, and that was right up against a larger table where a party of four were eating.
Anyway, I ordered drinks, and we sat down and started chatting. Things were going well.
Then, almost subconsciously, I noticed something odd. Whenever I started to speak, a voice at the next table started too, quite loudly.
So, without diverting more than a little of my attention from my date (which is always a big mistake), I listened to the rather booming voice from the table next to us.
A Disastrous Date Leads To Success
Indeed, what was happening was that a large, jowly man, with a nose red-tipped probably from years of drinking port wine, was COMMENTING on everything I was saying! He was clearly the host of his party, with a dominating character that was almost bullying his guests into paying attention to him.
They laughed politely at his snide comments, but without enthusiasm.
At this point, my date realized what was going on too. We moved in close so we could whisper to each other. We decided not to make a fuss, which, whether or not it shut the guy up, would have set a bad tone for the rest of the date.
And I was quite happy to move in close and talk quietly with my date. In fact, I couldn’t have been happier because, as explained on page 162 of ‘Online Dating Tips For Men,’ talking quietly and closely is one of the best ways of establishing rapport and intimacy.
Unfortunately, even though our rude neighbor couldn’t hear us, he kept commenting about us and speculating about what we might be talking about. ‘Lovers canoodling’ was how he described us at one point!
Clearly, this was an uncomfortable situation, but I was actually benefiting from it as I was getting closer to my date, and we were sharing this difficult experience. The rapport was becoming intense, and we started touching hands.
Eventually, the large guy went quiet, but that was quite irrelevant as my date and I were in our own private bubble of intimacy.
In short, it was a fantastic first date and set exactly the right tone for us to progress to the second!
Embracing the Unexpected
There are lots of things that can go wrong in a date that are beyond control. A loud environment, a rude third party, or even a spilled drink can disrupt the moment. But often, those very mishaps can lead to unexpected outcomes.
Unexpected events can actually bring people closer together. They create shared experiences that can deepen your connection.
When you navigate a situation together, it can forge a bond. It turns a potential disaster into an opportunity for teamwork. You both are in the same boat, facing an uncomfortable circumstance. This creates an “us against the world” feeling.
Creating Intimacy
Intimacy is crucial on a date. It goes beyond physical attraction. Emotional intimacy is what truly connects people.
The discomfort of the situation with the loud man at the next table actually worked in our favor. As we leaned in to whisper, we naturally created a more intimate atmosphere.
Proximity matters. The closer you are, the more your bodies and voices sync up. Whispering requires you to focus solely on each other. This focus increases intimacy and connection.
In moments like these, non-verbal cues also become significant. You can gauge interest through eye contact, smiles, and gentle touches. These small gestures build trust and create a sense of safety.
Building Rapport Through Adversity
When faced with challenges, it’s essential to maintain a sense of humor. Laughter is a powerful tool.
It breaks the tension and lightens the mood. Finding the humor in a situation can create a memorable moment. Sharing a laugh over a rude comment or an awkward encounter can turn an uncomfortable date into a charming story.
In our case, we joked about the man’s comments. It turned into a game. We imagined his ridiculous thoughts. This humor drew us closer. We shared laughter, which only intensified the rapport.
Remember, shared laughter can significantly enhance your connection.
The Value of Reflection
After the date, I reflected on the experience. It wasn’t what I had expected, but that’s okay.
Not every date will go smoothly. But it’s essential to evaluate each experience. Think about what worked, what didn’t, and how you felt. This reflection helps you grow.
You may realize that the awkward moments are sometimes the most memorable. They teach you valuable lessons about communication, intimacy, and connection.
Moving Forward
When you approach dating with an open mind, you embrace the unpredictable nature of human interactions.
A “failed” date can still yield valuable results. It can reveal important truths about your dating style and preferences. It may even help you learn more about what you seek in a partner.
Focus on how you handled challenges and what they taught you about yourself.
Every date is a chance to learn. Whether it’s about yourself, the other person, or dating dynamics in general, there’s always something to take away.
Cultivating a Positive Mindset
Adopting a positive mindset is key. Rejection and awkward moments are not reflections of your worth. They are simply parts of the dating process.
Each encounter helps you build resilience. You become better at navigating the complexities of dating.
This resilience is attractive. People are drawn to those who can handle challenges with grace and humor.
The Bigger Picture
In the end, dating is about more than just finding a partner. It’s about connecting with people.
Embrace every date as an opportunity for personal growth. Learn from the experiences, both good and bad.
Every moment contributes to your journey, helping you become a more confident and self-aware person.
Remember, every ‘result’ counts. Whether it’s a connection with someone new, a lesson learned, or even just a funny story to tell later, there’s always something to gain.
So, the next time a date doesn’t go as planned, take a step back. Assess the situation. Look for the silver lining.
You might find that you’re building a stronger bond than you realized. The best relationships often start with unexpected moments.
