Dating after a divorce is tough. You’ve been out of the game for a while, and getting back in can feel like navigating a minefield. If you’re starting with online dating, it’s easy to fall into some common pitfalls. Here are a few internet dating mistakes people make and how you can avoid them.
1. Too Much Too Soon
You’ve been scrolling through endless profiles on your online dating site, and someone finally catches your eye. You start emailing back and forth, and the banter is great. You find yourself eagerly waiting for their messages. Every morning, you’re waking up a little earlier, excited to check if there’s a new reply while sipping your coffee.
It feels great, right? That anticipation of what comes next. Before you know it, you’re chatting every day. You’ve moved from texts to phone calls. And then, the inevitable dinner invitation comes.
Dating Mistake:
It’s all happening too fast. The excitement of new conversations can make you want to rush things. But focusing too much on one person too early can backfire. You start getting attached before really knowing them.
Dating Advice:
Take it slow. Don’t put all your energy into one person until you’re sure there’s something there. Keep the conversation light and balanced until you’re confident about them. It’s easy to let excitement take over, but remember, slow and steady wins the race.
2. Throwing Money at It
It’s been a while since someone asked you out to dinner, and now you’re preparing for your first post-divorce date. Your immediate thoughts are about what to wear, getting your hair done, and all the other pre-date rituals. You spend the better part of the week focused on one thing: getting this right.
You’re buying new clothes, splurging on a makeover, and treating this date like it’s a make-or-break moment. The pressure feels overwhelming. You’re stressing about what the other person will think of you based on these things.
Dating Mistake:
People often think that by spending more, they can create a better impression. But the truth is, you don’t need fancy clothes or expensive dinners to connect with someone. A real connection comes from who you are, not what you wear or buy.
Dating Advice:
Save your money. Start with something simple like coffee or a casual drink. The point of the first date is to see if there’s chemistry, not to impress with material things. It’s better to be yourself than to throw money at a situation to make it perfect.
3. Thinking You Know the Person
The big evening arrives. You meet at a public restaurant, as all the dating advice recommends. You’re excited but also nervous. Your new shoes are a little uncomfortable, and something feels off. He doesn’t look exactly like the person in the photo—maybe he’s taller, shorter, or a little heavier. But you recognize his voice from all your late-night calls.
The conversation starts smoothly, with plenty of topics from your previous exchanges. But as the evening goes on, something’s missing. That connection you felt online? It’s just not there in real life. By the main course, you’re filling the silences with more wine than you probably should, glancing at your watch and wishing the night would end. Your feet are killing you, and all you can think about is getting out of those shoes.
Dating Mistake:
It’s easy to think you know someone based on messages and phone calls. But chemistry over the phone doesn’t always translate to in-person chemistry. We build up an image in our heads that doesn’t always match reality.
Dating Advice:
Remember, online conversations only show one part of the person. Until you meet in real life, you won’t truly know if you click. Keep your expectations in check, and don’t rush into things based on how well the online chats go.
4. Living in a Fantasy World
Even after the date, the emails and phone calls keep coming, and you continue to respond. It’s like you never had that awkward dinner. You’re back to your witty repartee and late-night conversations.
In your mind, you start filling in the blanks. You build a fantasy around the person—imagining what your relationship would be like, planning future dates, maybe even picturing life together. It’s a daydream that feels so real, even though you haven’t spent much time with them in person.
Dating Mistake:
It’s easy to fall into this trap when you’re excited about meeting someone new. But building a fantasy can lead to disappointment when things don’t live up to your expectations. The danger here is that you’re seeing what you want to see, not what’s actually there.
Dating Advice:
Stay grounded. Keep things in perspective. Enjoy the connection but don’t let your imagination run away with you. It’s important to stay realistic about who they are and what the relationship could be. Keep it light and fun until you really know the person.
5. Ignoring Red Flags
A few more weeks go by, and you’re starting to feel a bit irritated by the constant emails and calls. But when they ask you out again, your heart still skips a beat. You agree, even though something feels off. You vaguely remember how uncomfortable the first date was, but you push that thought aside.
On the second date, things don’t get better. There are more awkward silences, and the chemistry just isn’t there. But you ignore those feelings because you’re still holding onto the connection from your online conversations. You keep pushing forward because it’s easier than starting over.
Dating Mistake:
Sometimes, we ignore the warning signs because we don’t want to believe them. It’s easy to convince yourself that things will get better, or that the connection is worth fighting for. But ignoring red flags can lead to wasting time in a relationship that isn’t right.
Dating Advice:
Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. Don’t ignore the signs just because you’ve invested time into someone. Be willing to walk away if it’s not right.
Conclusion
Dating after a divorce can be challenging. It’s a new world, and there are plenty of mistakes you can make. But if you stay true to yourself, take things slow, and pay attention to the signals, you’ll have a much smoother experience.
Don’t rush into things. Keep a balanced perspective, and don’t invest all your emotional energy too soon. Remember, dating is a process. Take your time and enjoy getting to know people without pressure.
By staying authentic, realistic, and open-minded, you’ll give yourself the best chance of finding a meaningful connection. After all, love shouldn’t be rushed.
