Researchers have discovered that one of the most striking differences between people who are socially confident and those who are shy is that confident people have much more frequent eye contact with their conversational partners.
Many shy people never make eye contact at all. They tend to look downward or away instead of looking at their conversation partner’s face.
Most North Americans, especially Caucasians, prefer a lot of eye contact when they are talking with someone. When a person doesn’t make eye contact, North Americans tend to assume that person is hiding something.
When speaking with someone from a culture that prefers eye contact, be sure to look at them frequently while talking. Even when you’re wondering what to say next, don’t break eye contact. You don’t need to use a piercing stare—a friendly gaze will do just fine.
If it really bothers you to look directly into another person’s eyes, you can look at their face without focusing solely on the eyes. A good trick is to gaze generally at the eyebrow area or the bridge of the nose. This is close enough to the eye region that it will appear you’re making eye contact.
You may find it helps ease your discomfort if you let your vision go slightly out of focus. It can reduce the tension you feel about staring too directly.
Whenever you are in conversation with someone, keep most of your focus on the other person. If you glance around the room too much, or look too frequently at other people, your conversation partner might assume you’re bored or searching for someone else to talk to.
If you have difficulty knowing how to make eye contact, practice can help. You can benefit from practicing in front of a mirror or with another person until it feels more natural.
While some people struggle with maintaining eye contact, others have the opposite problem. They stare too intently into the eyes of others during conversations. This often makes their conversation partners feel uncomfortable.
An intense stare, especially at close range, can be very unpleasant. It feels confrontational, even if it wasn’t meant that way.
In many animals, staring is a part of a power struggle. It determines which animal is dominant. In humans, a similar dynamic can happen. A struggle for dominance can often be signaled by a staring contest. So, avoid intense, prolonged staring unless it’s a rare situation where this might be necessary.
How to Use Eye Contact to Create Good Impressions
Although some people use intense staring to intimidate, not everyone who stares is doing it deliberately. Some people are unaware of the negative impression they are creating. They might not mean to intimidate, but their piercing gaze can still cause discomfort.
If staring has been your habit, you may have been unknowingly making your conversation partners uncomfortable.
You can lighten the impression you make by smiling more often, nodding, and gazing at the whole face instead of just the eyes. In addition, glance away frequently for short periods. This creates a much more relaxed atmosphere.
Although most North Americans like plenty of eye contact with their conversational partner, this is not true for everyone. If you grew up in a cultural group that expects eye contact, it can be shocking to find out that some cultures consider eye contact to be rude or intrusive.
Many countries around the world view eye contact as disrespectful. They see it as an invasion of privacy. Even within North America, some cultural groups prefer less eye contact.
For example, in North America, people of African American and First Nations origin generally prefer less eye contact than Caucasians do. In many cultures around the world, it is considered polite to avert your eyes and keep them lowered during conversation.
If you’re dealing with someone from a different cultural background, it’s essential to be sensitive to their expectations regarding eye contact. This will help ensure smoother interactions and avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.
Understanding these cultural nuances will improve your relationships and help you adapt to different communication styles. It’s not just about learning how to make eye contact—it’s about recognizing when and how it is most appropriate based on the person you’re speaking with.
Practicing Better Eye Contact
If you’re looking to improve your eye contact skills, start by practicing in low-pressure environments. Have casual conversations with friends or family and focus on maintaining eye contact in a way that feels natural. Over time, it will become easier.
Another useful tip is to watch how confident people maintain eye contact. Notice how they balance their gaze with other gestures like smiling or nodding. By mimicking these subtle behaviors, you can improve your own ability to communicate effectively through eye contact.
Keep in mind that eye contact is a tool, not a rule. It should never feel forced or awkward. The more natural you are, the better impression you’ll make.
So, next time you’re in a conversation, remember these tips. Eye contact, when used correctly, can be a powerful way to connect. But it’s also important to be aware of cultural differences and individual comfort levels.
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