Dating when you’re a teenager is exciting. It’s new. It’s fun. You’re learning how to connect with someone outside your family or close friends. But along with all that excitement, it’s easy to forget one simple truth: love shouldn’t hurt.
Whether emotional, mental, or physical, no form of hurt in a relationship is okay. Knowing how to identify unhealthy dating behaviors early on can save a world of hurt feelings later on.
Now let’s talk about how love should feel, what are some red flags to look out for, and why respect should be at the core of any relationship.
What Healthy Love Looks Like
Let me tell you one thing: Healthy relationships are not perfect. Every couple argues, and every couple disagrees. That’s normal. But healthy love never makes you feel bad about yourself.
In a good relationship, the people feel supported. You trust each other. You are safe to be yourself. You are not scared to voice your opinion. You are not nervous about how they react. Instead, there is kindness and understanding.
Love is supposed to pick you up, not beat you down.
Identify the Red Flags
Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish when the relationship turns toxic. Initially, things are good, but then after some time, you get that weird feeling. Maybe your partner starts chiding your decisions. Or they get jealous when you hang out with your friends. These little things, eventually, become larger problems.
Here are a few warning signs that one should watch out for:
Control: If your partner tries to control where you go, who you talk to, or what you wear, it’s a problem. Love isn’t about control.
Isolation: When one partner wants to keep the other away from friends or family members, then that is isolation. Healthy relationships allow you to keep other connections strong.
Jealousy: A little jealousy is normal. But when extreme jealousy surfaces, when they accuse you of things constantly, it becomes crossing the line.
Blame: If they blame you for everything that goes wrong, even things outside your control, that’s a red flag.
Physical or Emotional Abuse: Any form of abuse—whether it’s hitting, shouting, or manipulating—is never okay.
These aren’t signs of love. These are signs of control and fear.
Why Teens Stay in Unhealthy Relationships
It’s easy to say, “Just leave.” But it’s not always that simple. Many teens stay in unhealthy relationships for different reasons.
Some teens think they can change their partner. Many wish things would get better. Some remain with their partners because they do not want to be alone. They seem to believe that any relationship is better than none at all.
In some of these relationships, the partner may make them feel guilty or scared about leaving. They may say, “You’ll never find anyone better,” or even threaten harm.
It’s important to know you deserve better-you deserve to feel loved, respected, and cared for. And there is absolutely no shame in walking away from a relationship that doesn’t give that to you.
Setting Boundaries
One of the most important features in a healthy relationship is setting boundaries. In setting boundaries, you are allowing your partner to know what is and isn’t acceptable. It allows room for respect.
Start by getting a sense of what is and is not important to you. Do you need some time alone? Do you want to keep some friendships separate from the relationship? How do you feel about physical affection?
Once you know what your limits and boundaries are, communicate those. It may sound weird the first time, but a good partner respects your limits. They will listen and won’t pressure you to change those limits.
Boundaries go both ways. Much as you want your space and respect, so does your partner.
Trust Your Gut
Your intuition is powerful. If something feels wrong, don’t ignore it. That uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach is often trying to tell you something.
If one partner makes the other feel uncomfortable, scared, or small, that is a hint to reassess it. If you feel this way in a relationship, don’t let the feeling go unheard. Share it with someone you can trust-be it your parent, teacher, or closest friend.
Sometimes, seeing through another pair of eyes may provide clarity of vision.
How to Support Your Friend in a Toxic Relationship
Perhaps you aren’t the one in the bad relationship, but you know somebody who is. And that can be pretty rough to watch your friend go through. You want to help, but you don’t know how.
Start by listening. Don’t judge or push them to make a decision. Just be there. Let them know you’re concerned and that they deserve better. Offer to support them in whatever way they need, whether it’s talking to a trusted adult or finding resources to help.
But also be sensitive to the fact that it could be very scary for them to leave an unhealthy relationship. Your friend might not be ready, so be patient; remind them you are there if they need you.
Self-Esteem and Respect
Perhaps the most important part of a healthy relationship is in regards to self-respect. When you respect yourself, you set the standard of how others will treat you.
You will not settle for anything less. You won’t put up with disrespect, manipulation, or abuse. You know being alone is better than being in a terrible relationship.
Self-respect also means knowing your worth. You deserve to be in a relationship where you are loved for who you are, not controlled or changed.
What To Do If You’re in a Hurting Relationship
If you believe you are in a relationship that is unhealthy or abusive, know it is okay to ask for help. Seek out a person you trust and talk with him or her. People do care about you and want to help.
Perhaps seek out guidance from a school counsellor or an adult confidant-or a helpline. Sometime talking it out with some one helps you to see things more clearly.
Breakups are never easy, especially if you truly like a person. However, if that person is causing you pain, it’s about time to take a step back. Love should never make you feel less than what you are.
Final Thoughts: Love Should Feel Safe
Love shouldn’t make you cry. It shouldn’t make you feel scared or unsure of yourself. It shouldn’t hurt. Healthy relationships are based upon respect, trust, and mutual care.
As a teen, it’s about finding out what you want in a partner-growth, having fun, and not being stressed or afraid. Pay attention to how your relationship makes you feel.
And always know this: You deserve to love someone who makes you feel safe. Anything less isn’t worth your time.
