Dating should be about getting to know each other, building trust, and having fun, right? But what happens when things start to feel a little off? When you notice subtle shifts in how someone talks to you, and you begin to question yourself more than usual?
This could be the start of manipulation.
Manipulation, especially in dating, isn’t always obvious. It can sneak up on you, hidden in what seems like normal conversation. There’s a fine line between persuasion and manipulation. Persuasion is about being honest, sharing your perspective, and allowing someone to make a choice. Manipulation, on the other hand, is about control—getting what they want without you even realizing.
When manipulators speak, they use certain phrases designed to confuse, control, and make you question your own feelings and thoughts. It’s sneaky. But once you know what to listen for, you can stop it before it goes too far.
Let’s dive into the seven sneaky phrases manipulators use in dating and how you can spot and stop them.
1. “You always…”
Have you ever been in the middle of a disagreement and suddenly heard, “You always do this,” or “You always overreact”? It feels harsh, doesn’t it? Like you’re constantly in the wrong.
This is a classic manipulative phrase that falls under the category of gaslighting. If you haven’t heard of gaslighting, it’s a form of manipulation designed to make you question your own reality. By saying “You always…”, they’re making a blanket statement about your behavior, which might not even be true.
The manipulator knows what they’re doing. They’re shifting the focus from their behavior to yours, making you question yourself. Over time, this can seriously mess with your confidence. You start thinking, Maybe I do always overreact. Maybe it really is me.
But it’s not. This isn’t about you overreacting—it’s about them dodging responsibility and controlling the narrative.
How to stop it: When you hear phrases like “You always…”, stay calm. Instead of letting it make you doubt yourself, respond with something like, “I don’t always do that. Can you give me an example?” This forces them to confront their exaggeration and gives you a chance to reclaim your power.
2. “Trust me…”
“Trust me” is another sneaky phrase manipulators love to use. It sounds innocent, right? We all want to trust the people we’re dating. But when someone says “Trust me” as a way to shut down your doubts or concerns, it’s a red flag.
Manipulators use this phrase to make you feel safe. It’s their way of saying, “Stop asking questions and just go with it.” But in reality, they’re trying to stop you from thinking critically or challenging them.
I learned this the hard way. I once had a friend who constantly used “Trust me” to convince me of things that didn’t sit right with me. One time, he said, “Trust me, this is the best decision for both of us,” when trying to push a decision that clearly benefited him more. I ignored my gut, trusted him, and ended up regretting it.
How to stop it: If someone uses “Trust me” when you’re feeling uneasy, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Trust shouldn’t mean shutting down your instincts. It’s okay to say, “I trust you, but I need more information.” A trustworthy person will respect that.
3. “I’m only trying to help you…”
This one’s tricky because it sounds so well-meaning. Who wouldn’t want help, right? But when a manipulator says, “I’m only trying to help you,” they’re often trying to impose their will under the guise of concern.
It’s a classic way to make you feel indebted to them. When someone frames their control as “help,” they know you’re less likely to push back. After all, how can you argue with someone who’s just helping? But the truth is, they’re not helping—they’re controlling the situation and, ultimately, you.
It’s even more powerful because we, as humans, have a natural instinct to reciprocate when someone does something nice for us. It’s called the law of reciprocity. So, when they “help” you, you feel obligated to return the favor—even if it means going along with their plans.
How to stop it: Recognize when “help” doesn’t feel helpful. It’s okay to decline their assistance and stand your ground. You can say, “I appreciate the offer, but I’d like to handle this my way.”
4. “Maybe you misunderstood…”
“Maybe you misunderstood” sounds like they’re offering you a chance to rethink, but it’s a subtle way for manipulators to make you doubt yourself. When they say this, they’re shifting the blame onto you, making it seem like the confusion or issue lies with you, not them.
This tactic is meant to make you question your perception. You begin to wonder, Did I really misunderstand? Am I missing something? It’s frustrating and can leave you feeling confused.
Of course, misunderstandings happen in every relationship, but when this phrase is used consistently to avoid accountability, it’s manipulation.
How to stop it: Don’t let them make you second-guess yourself. Calmly restate your understanding of the situation and ask them to clarify. This keeps you grounded in your reality and puts the responsibility back on them to explain.
5. “I don’t want to argue…”
No one loves to argue, right? But manipulators use the phrase “I don’t want to argue” to avoid dealing with real issues. It sounds like they’re being mature and conflict-averse, but in reality, they’re shutting down the conversation.
This is a deflection tactic. Instead of addressing your concerns, they say, “I don’t want to argue” to make it seem like they’re taking the high road. But what they’re really doing is avoiding the conversation and, more importantly, avoiding accountability.
How to stop it: If someone uses this phrase repeatedly, acknowledge their wish to avoid conflict but remind them that it’s important to discuss issues. You can say, “I understand you don’t want to argue, but I think this is something we need to talk about.”
6. “You’re too sensitive…”
This is a personal attack disguised as feedback. When someone tells you, “You’re too sensitive,” what they’re really doing is dismissing your feelings.
Manipulators love this phrase because it makes you feel like your emotions are the problem. Instead of them addressing their behavior, they flip the situation and make you feel like you’re overreacting. Over time, hearing this phrase can make you start to doubt your own emotions.
But guess what? Your feelings are valid. You’re allowed to feel how you feel, and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.
How to stop it: When someone tells you you’re too sensitive, stand firm in your emotions. Say, “I’m allowed to feel this way, and I’d appreciate it if you’d listen.” This shifts the conversation back to the issue at hand instead of letting them dodge responsibility.
7. “If you really cared about me…”
This is manipulation in its purest form—a guilt trip. When someone says, “If you really cared about me, you’d do this,” they’re using your emotions against you.
It’s designed to make you feel like your care or love is conditional—like you have to prove it by doing what they want. This puts you in a tough spot, making you feel like you’re being selfish if you say no.
But here’s the truth: Real care and love don’t come with strings attached. If someone truly cared about you, they wouldn’t make you feel guilty for putting your needs first.
How to stop it: Don’t fall into the guilt trap. If someone uses this phrase, calmly state that your care for them doesn’t mean you have to agree to everything they ask. You can say, “I care about you, but I also have to take care of myself.”
In Conclusion
Dating should be about mutual respect, trust, and open communication. If you start hearing these sneaky phrases, it might be time to step back and assess the relationship. Manipulation can be subtle, but once you spot it, you can stop it.
Remember, you deserve honesty and respect in any relationship. Stay true to yourself and trust your instincts.
