The art of flirting is not only the preserve of the rich, beautiful, and exceptionally confident. Nor do you have to be a wanton woman or lecherous Casanova to participate. With a little practice and some sound advice, flirting is available to everyone. Best of all, it can be a powerful social weapon when used for good instead of evil. Did we mention it’s great fun, builds confidence, can win you lots of friends, and is a playful yet sure-fire way to test the waters when it comes to romance?
Avoid Flirting with Disaster
But enough of this shameless teasing. Come hither, and we’ll whisper some tips in your ear that will ensure you’re not, in fact, flirting with disaster.
New social situations fill most people with fear. While some of us are adept at bluffing it out, the greater portion of the room will usually prefer to stick with the people they know or hide in the shadows. In extreme cases, they might even pray that someone will talk to them—or, even better, that they won’t be noticed at all. Taking the dreaded first step is always tough, requiring great reserves of mental strength—or at least a tall glass of Dutch courage. According to the experts, it’s all in the way you approach it.
The Art of Making Others Feel Good
When people grasp the concept that to be a great flirt, you pay attention to the other person rather than drawing attention to yourself, it becomes more appealing. This is especially true for those who are not particularly socially confident. It’s about making the other person feel valued and appreciated. This shift in focus can make all the difference.
Shift your attention to making somebody else feel good. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that when you make somebody else feel good, they will often return the favor. Sounds simple, huh? Take your glass of wine, stand next to someone, and smile encouragingly at them as they talk about themselves. Eventually, they’ll run out of things to say and start being nice to you instead. But without using camouflage and sidling up to someone like a Russian spy, how do you put yourself in the right position for that conversation?
Breaking the Ice: Start Simple
Breaking the ice is undoubtedly the hardest part of meeting someone new. So what do you actually say to get the ball rolling? Presumably, “Remember my name, you’ll be screaming it later” is not a great opener.
Start with hello, then go out on a limb. You should tell that story, the one that makes you look like a dodo. Once you reveal yourself as human, you’ll help others feel relaxed. Good flirts make other people feel special and enjoy doing it. They love people and notice what makes them tick. They also have a great attitude—one that is relaxed, fearless, and outward-looking. Treat it like a game. To win, you just need to get them to smile back.
Getting in the Right Frame of Mind
According to the experts, coaxing yourself into the kind of relaxed and playful state of mind needed for successful flirting needn’t require a personality transplant if you’re not usually the gregarious type. All you have to do is change your attitude by being conscious of your negative thoughts and changing them to positive ones. Most of us don’t approach others because we fear rejection. But flirting reduces this risk. You’re simply putting out feelers to see what response you get before you put your heart on the line. Getting in the right frame of mind will definitely make it easier to get out there and say hi.
To be playful, you just have to think playful. Maybe there’s a song that energizes you or a memory that makes you feel good. Conjure them up in your head, and you’ll be surprised at that little kick of energy and enthusiasm you get. Our advice is not to use fake plastic breasts or a false mustache as your props—way too much room for error. But certainly, having a few tunes that will build your confidence is ideal, given the normal social conditions most of us operate in.
Flirting Beyond Romance
When most people think about flirting, they concentrate on romantic contexts. However, at its heart, flirting is simply about making people feel valued. In return, you’ll be remembered and liked—an ideal scenario for the workplace and everyday social interaction. Flirting is not limited to just romantic endeavors; it’s a valuable tool in all forms of social interaction.
Flirting is useful in business. When you flirt with someone, you pay them a compliment, and compliments can grease the wheels of industry. Don’t confuse this with brown-nosing or being overly effusive, of course. It’s good to notice other people and be genuinely interested in them—sincere rather than saucy. As your mother probably told you, “It doesn’t hurt to say something nice.”
Be Careful with Workplace Flirting
It’s important to keep in mind that you need to be careful when flirting, particularly in the workplace. Signals can be misunderstood if you aren’t clear. Never cross the line or be sleazy. This is particularly true of email flirting; you must be careful not to be lewd or overtly suggestive. They may come back to haunt you. Sending colleagues a digital image of you wearing just a big smile, for instance, is probably a tad too much.
Flirting is not all about achieving a romantic goal. Flirting, when done well, is natural communication where you focus your attention on the other person. It makes people notice you—not for your great feats and accomplishments but because you come across as a genuine and intelligent human being. Everyone wants someone to listen to them and to remember who they are—it’s one of the greatest compliments there is.
When flirting is great for testing the waters of romance or for planting yourself favorably at work, it can also help keep the fires burning in a long-term relationship. Flirting keeps relationships—new and old—fresh and alive. It brings a spark and keeps the connection vibrant.
Final Thoughts: Embrace the Power of Flirting
So what’s the best advice for getting out there? “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” It costs nothing to smile or pay someone a compliment. The effort is minimal, but the rewards can be significant. Give it a try and see how your interactions can improve.
