Never bring up anything that has to do with a past ex. This is guaranteed to cause a fight. It is the ultimate taboo conversation. Honesty and open relationships are great, but some things should be kept in the closet. Don’t risk damaging a good relationship by mentioning meaningless times from the past.
Talking about an ex, even casually, can leave your partner wondering if you still think about them. This insecurity can slowly chip away at the foundation of your relationship. Keeping your focus on the present relationship, and letting the past stay in the past, is essential for long-term happiness.
- Don’t ever talk about him. Even if what you’re saying is uncomplimentary, it will still have a negative effect. Your bringing him up hints that he’s still on your mind. Your current partner might start to feel insecure or think that you are still emotionally attached to your ex. It’s crucial to ensure that your partner feels like they are the most important person in your life right now.
It doesn’t matter if your ex made a mistake or if you’re sharing something unpleasant about him. Just the mere mention of an ex can stir up jealousy or insecurity. Even if you think you’re just being honest, it’s better to keep these topics out of the conversation to avoid unnecessary conflict. Your partner should always feel secure in the relationship.
- Never say how good he was at anything. Doing this will create unnecessary anxiety and feelings of inadequacy with your guy. Comparisons can be particularly damaging, as they can cause your boyfriend to question his own worth and abilities. Even a casual mention of your ex’s talents or skills can linger in your boyfriend’s mind and affect his self-esteem.
The goal should be to uplift your current partner, not to bring up past relationships that no longer matter. If you bring up something your ex did well, your boyfriend might start to feel like he’s competing with a ghost. He’ll wonder if he’s good enough for you or if he’s constantly being measured against your past. Focus on the strengths of your current partner, and leave comparisons out of the picture.
- Avoid telling him about intimate and special moments that you and your ex shared. Yes, it’s important that he knows about you. And, yes, he needs to learn to deal with his insecurities. But…why make him insecure in the first place? Is it really that important for him to know everything about you?
Your relationship should be about creating new, special moments together, rather than dwelling on what has happened before. Highlight the experiences you are building with your current boyfriend, which will help in strengthening your bond. Emphasize the future you are creating together, rather than revisiting the past.
Avoid oversharing personal details that don’t contribute to the current relationship. Sure, your ex was a part of your life, but he’s not a part of your life now. Focus on building new memories with your boyfriend. Let the past stay in the past, and keep the focus on the present.
- Never mention your sexual past… especially if it was good. If your boyfriend asks you what it was like or how good it was, lie if you have to. Say it wasn’t all that. Discussing past sexual experiences can lead to comparisons, which can be incredibly harmful to your current relationship.
It can cause your partner to feel inadequate or question your current sexual relationship. Keeping the focus on the present and the future will help in maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. Sex is an intimate connection that should be nurtured in the present, not haunted by memories of the past.
Bringing up a past lover in any context, but especially in the bedroom, can severely damage your partner’s confidence. Even if your ex wasn’t great, just mentioning him creates a negative dynamic. It’s best to stay focused on building intimacy with your current partner.
- Avoid telling stories or reminiscing about events that involved your ex… even if the story has little to do with him. Examples are: “I went to a great restaurant once…” or “Last year I went to this amusement park and had a great time…” or “I went to the beach last summer…”
Even if these stories seem harmless, they can bring up unnecessary associations and feelings of jealousy. Your boyfriend might feel excluded or that he is constantly being compared to someone from your past. Instead, share new experiences and create fresh memories together that you can both cherish.
Even if the story is about something mundane, mentioning that it involved your ex can instantly ruin the mood. It pulls your partner out of the present moment and forces them to think about your past. Focus on making new memories with your boyfriend that you’ll both enjoy and look back on fondly.
Observing these five basic principles will ensure that the quality of your relationship reaches its full potential. If you haven’t been following these general rules up to this point, you probably don’t know what the true quality of your relationship could be. And, you’ve probably got a boyfriend with a lot of pent-up anger, frustration, and insecurity.
If that’s the case, then you can turn over a new leaf today and get things headed in the right direction by making a few changes in the way you’ve been acting. Avoiding these ex-related topics and focusing on your current relationship will help build trust, respect, and intimacy with your partner.
By keeping the past in the past and dedicating your energy to the present and future, your relationship will thrive. Remember, your current boyfriend deserves to feel like the number one person in your life.
