Ever feel a knot in your stomach when you think about your relationship? Maybe you find yourself overthinking things like, What if they leave? or Am I enough for them? You’re not alone. Relationship anxiety is real, and it can sneak in and create all sorts of doubts. But the good news? There are ways to manage it and get back to feeling secure and confident in your relationship. Here’s how.
1. Acknowledge What You’re Feeling
First things first—you’ve got to face what’s going on inside. I know, it’s tempting to push those anxious feelings down, but trust me, that only makes them louder. Anxiety thrives when it’s ignored. The more you try to stuff it away, the more it’ll bubble up when you least expect it.
Take a minute to really check in with yourself. What’s making you anxious? Is it something your partner said, or maybe it’s just the fear of losing them? Whatever it is, write it down. Journaling can be an amazing way to untangle your thoughts. When you see your fears written out, they become less daunting.
But don’t stop there. Talk about it! Find a friend, a family member, or even your partner—anyone you trust—and open up. Sometimes just saying your fears out loud can make them seem less overwhelming. And hey, you might even discover that what you’re feeling is totally normal.
2. Talk to Your Partner—Seriously
Let’s talk about communication. It’s the backbone of every healthy relationship, and yet, when anxiety creeps in, we often do the opposite of communicating. We assume, we overthink, and we expect our partner to read our mind. Spoiler alert: they can’t.
If you’re feeling anxious, tell your partner. Be open about your feelings. Say something like, “I’ve been feeling a little insecure lately, and I’m not sure why. Can we talk about it?” This not only lets them know what’s going on but also opens the door to reassurance.
Remember, it’s not about blaming them. Avoid using “You” statements like, “You’re making me feel anxious.” Instead, focus on how you feel and what you need. Something like, “I feel anxious when we don’t spend much time together. Could we plan more time for just us?” shifts the conversation from accusation to connection.
And don’t wait for things to get heated. Make open communication a regular thing. When both of you can talk openly about your fears, you build trust. You’ll feel more secure knowing you’ve got each other’s backs.
3. Stay Present with Mindfulness
Have you ever been so lost in worrying about the future that you forget to enjoy the moment? Relationship anxiety loves to pull you into “what if” scenarios—What if they leave? What if they don’t love me anymore? But here’s the deal: the future isn’t happening right now. All you have is this moment.
That’s where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness is all about focusing on the here and now. One easy way to start? Take a deep breath. Yep, right now. Breathe in slowly through your nose, hold it for a second, then exhale through your mouth. Repeat a few times. It’s simple, but powerful.
When you’re mindful, you stop letting anxiety control you. You notice your thoughts without getting lost in them. Instead of spiraling into, What if they don’t text back because they’re losing interest? you shift to, Okay, they haven’t texted back yet. That’s okay.
Another great tool? Grounding exercises. If you’re feeling anxious, take a moment to engage your senses. Look around the room and name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This simple exercise can snap you out of an anxious thought spiral and back into the present.
4. Challenge Your Negative Thoughts
Let’s be real: anxiety loves to lie to you. It’ll whisper all kinds of worst-case scenarios in your ear until you’re convinced they’re true. But here’s the truth: most of those fears? They’re not based on reality.
One way to fight back is by challenging those thoughts. The next time you catch yourself thinking, They’re probably going to leave me, stop and ask yourself, Is there actual evidence of that? Chances are, there isn’t.
Once you’ve recognized that a thought isn’t true, flip it. Replace the negative with a positive affirmation. Instead of, I’m not good enough for them, try saying, I’m worthy of love and respect. It might feel a little weird at first, but over time, it’ll change how you think about yourself and your relationship.
If you’re struggling with this, consider trying Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It’s a type of therapy that helps you identify and challenge negative thought patterns. You can do this with a therapist, or you can even find online resources to get started on your own.
5. Set Boundaries—And Stick to Them
Boundaries can sound like a scary word, but trust me, they’re a lifesaver for your mental health. When you have clear boundaries, you’re telling your partner (and yourself) what’s okay and what’s not. It’s about creating a safe space where both of you feel respected.
Think about what triggers your anxiety in the relationship. Maybe it’s when your partner goes days without calling, or perhaps it’s feeling like you’re losing yourself in the relationship. Whatever it is, that’s where a boundary needs to be.
Setting boundaries might sound like, “I need us to check in with each other every day, even if it’s just a quick text,” or, “I need some time for myself every week to recharge.” When you’re clear about your needs, your partner knows how to support you, and you feel more secure.
But here’s the kicker: you’ve got to enforce those boundaries. If your partner crosses a line, speak up. Boundaries don’t work if you don’t stick to them.
6. Prioritize Self-Care
When you’re wrapped up in relationship anxiety, it’s easy to forget about yourself. You get so focused on what your partner is doing (or not doing) that your own needs get pushed aside. But here’s the thing: you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Make self-care a priority. Do things that make you feel good—whether that’s hitting the gym, reading a good book, or spending time with friends. When you take care of yourself, you’re also taking care of your relationship. A happy, balanced you is a better partner.
And don’t overlook the basics. Get enough sleep, eat well, and move your body. Physical health and mental health go hand-in-hand. When you’re feeling good physically, you’re more resilient to anxiety.
If your anxiety is getting overwhelming, consider talking to a therapist. There’s no shame in getting professional help. A therapist can give you tools and techniques to manage your anxiety and keep your relationship healthy.
7. Let Your Partner Support You
You don’t have to deal with anxiety on your own. Your partner can be your biggest ally—if you let them. Sometimes, when we’re anxious, we pull away out of fear. But instead of retreating, lean in.
Tell your partner how they can support you. Maybe it’s a little extra reassurance, or maybe it’s just knowing they’re there when you need to talk. When you let them in, you’re building a stronger connection. You’re showing them that you trust them with your fears—and trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
At the same time, encourage your partner to open up about their own feelings. Who knows? They might be feeling anxious too. When both of you are open and vulnerable, it creates a bond that anxiety can’t break.
Wrapping It Up
Relationship anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to take over your life. By acknowledging your feelings, communicating openly, and taking care of yourself, you can manage your anxiety and build a stronger, healthier relationship.
Remember, anxiety is just a part of life, but it doesn’t define your relationship. You have the tools to handle it. So breathe, take things one step at a time, and know that you’re not alone in this.
