Never bring up anything that has to do with a past ex. This is guaranteed to cause a fight. It is the ultimate taboo conversation. Honesty and open relationships are great, but some things should be kept in the closet. Don’t risk damaging a good relationship by mentioning meaningless times from the past.
1) Don’t ever talk about him. Even if what you’re saying is uncomplimentary, it will still have a negative effect. Your bringing him up hints that he’s still on your mind. Your current partner might start to feel insecure or think that you are still emotionally attached to your ex. It’s crucial to ensure that your partner feels like they are the most important person in your life right now.
2) Never say how good he was at anything. Doing this will create unnecessary anxiety and feelings of inadequacy with your guy. Comparisons can be particularly damaging, as they can cause your boyfriend to question his own worth and abilities. Even a casual mention of your ex’s talents or skills can linger in your boyfriend’s mind and affect his self-esteem. The goal should be to uplift your current partner, not to bring up past relationships that no longer matter.
3) Avoid telling him about intimate and special moments that you and your ex shared. Yes, it’s important that he knows about you. And, yes, he needs to learn to deal with his insecurities. But…why make him insecure in the first place? Is it really that important for him to know everything about you? Your relationship should be about creating new, special moments together, rather than dwelling on what has happened before. Highlight the experiences you are building with your current boyfriend, which will help in strengthening your bond.
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4) Never mention your sexual past…especially if it was good. If your boyfriend asks you what it was like or how good it was, lie if you have to. Say it wasn’t all that. Discussing past sexual experiences can lead to comparisons, which can be incredibly harmful to your current relationship. It can cause your partner to feel inadequate or question your current sexual relationship. Keeping the focus on the present and the future will help in maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.
5) Avoid telling stories or reminiscing about events that involved your ex…even if the story has little to do with him. Examples are: “I went to a great restaurant once…” or “Last year I went to this amusement park and had a great time…” or “I went to the beach last summer…” Even if these stories seem harmless, they can bring up unnecessary associations and feelings of jealousy. Your boyfriend might feel excluded or that he is constantly being compared to someone from your past. Instead, share new experiences and create fresh memories together that you can both cherish.
Observing these five basic principles will ensure that the quality of your relationship reaches its full potential. If you haven’t been following these general rules up to this point, you probably don’t know what the true quality of your relationship could be. And, you’ve probably got a boyfriend with a lot of pent-up anger, frustration, and insecurity. If that’s the case, then you can turn over a new leaf today and get things headed in the right direction by making a few changes in the way you’ve been acting.
